...sometimes I just wish some people can just take a bow and stay behind the curtains...

...it would cause less pain...

To Buy List

Music:
- Get Cable (Kenari / Planet Wave) x 2 in future?
- Get EQ (Simon going to have one in soon. Aztec or something like that. Call him!) x 2 in future?
- Explore pedal--man, sounds to rough for me! I'm just a simple girl!
- Accessories: A score sheet stand? A guitar stand?

Writing:
- Some time to do some serious reading nyah hah hah

Others:
- Contact Lenses
- Makeup (According to the latest issue of Beaute it's time to chuck the old and bring in the new--and this is way overdue)
- Phone (almost there!)
- New leather bag =D
- New shoes
- New working clothes

Can't wait, honestly!

Loving This

After May ended I kind of believed that I could do whatever I wanted. I don't know how, but at this moment I know I can do whatever I put my mind to, and that's a huge realisation and boost in confidence for me. Glad my brother is going through this too at the same time cos it means a lot to us I would think.

My Life Management spreadsheet was pretty successful is helping me gauge areas in my life that need revving up and sets my expectations about what I can, or can't do for a particular season. I set my ideal lifestyle and place priorities in their place monthly. So, May was pretty good and I truly thank God for this useful tool. It was encouraging to see that I have been subconsciously working on these goals and the fruits they bore were fab. Eventually through regular use, I would be able to see patterns and manage my life better.

The spreadsheet is really inspired first by what my youth leader told me many years ago: We are leaders already by virtue of the fact that we're leading our own lives. Secondly, a background in market research / consumer behaviour and doing the usual amount of survey forms have led to this simplistic tool that sets a goal and then uses a Satisfaction Meter, from 1 to 5 for each acitivity goal.

It covers every aspect of life I want to see fruit in, by priority and by my ideal occurence of certain activities--like exercise. I match every activity to an ideal result, so this ensures that I channel my energy to the fulfilment of these goals, in the most efficient and productive way possible.

I've done a small analysis on May already (which I'm quite pleased with), although I must say I'm leaving June pretty lax :P Well I'll slot in some time to do some quick planning.

I am, in nature, a follower. Honestly I don't like making decisions and if you suggested we do something, I'd be like "oh okay!". (Which is why I love good leader personalities that can make the best decisions that I can say "okay" to. Hahaha. So phleg right?) That's why I love this spreadsheet thing! So that I can assume the "leader" hat for like, 1/2 an hour to an hour per month just to pray and plan and then just follow the plan the rest of the time!

Overdoing the Thinking

I think I'm overdoing my thinking. 

Since May, things have just accumulated in my heart and mind that I haven't been able to sort out.

Time for bed then.

Active and Inactive Faith

Cell meetings have been tear jerking.

Anyway, we talked about Abraham today and how he acted in faith. Jolene brought us through two kinds of faith--active and inactive. How throughout our lives we need to exercise both kinds of faith.

The active kind is walking in obedience to God's instruction. Thinking about it, it's so important! To actively work on, and keep working on, something that God has entrusted us to do. So quickly we grow tired and weary of the tasks He has given. How quickly we  get distracted, bored and want to try new things. How easily we long to try "better" ways of how to execute his purposes, like what King Saul and even Sarah did. 

The inactive kind of walking is waiting and not doing anything to fast forward His purposes. Now this is exciting and I feel that I'm doing more and more of this--and being a lot more satisfied and at peace with God and myself. Knowing with my heart that He will fulfill His purposes in me, and yet not striving to achieve them on my own, but walking through each day peaceably, just being bothered about serving others and serving Him while trying to doing my best--that in itself is a challenge!

Well, good lesson. Thank you Lord!

Mid-May

The reality hasn't sunk in that I'm going to be writing and doing marketing simultaneously. 

What does my future hold?
Honestly, who knows?

On another note. What a long day it was. First off, I had an awfully bad hair day and decided to twirl my hair together with a chopstick. As my hair is rather layered and thin, this arrangement resulted in the twirl coming lose every few hours or so, making me rather vexed. After meeting an important client (a somewhat fruitless one, I felt at the time), I decide to let it run wild for a while and guess what happened. An old uni mate appears and walks straight into the lift where I am standing, recognises me. Perfectly coiffeured and groomed to perfection. I felt like making a hole in the ground and crawling out of the lift.

These are the days when I feel like my life can be turned into one of those comical American TV series. Fancy that. 

... is Pondering

My path is broken into a few possibilities. All of which probably point to the same end anyway.

1. First option. Going at it at a bare minimum--status quo. Meaning, to stick to this double tasking. "Marketing" is making my writing deteriorate and I rush through every piece half-heartedly. Is this how it should be? I don't think so. Edmund's red marks are jarring because I know full well that my work was not top form. And that is because by the time I'm done with building relationships, I hardly have enough time to quieten myself to write. 

2. Second option. Specialise in marketing, full swing, on the short term. Give this 2 months my best to help my company at this time to bring in the revenue. Have a much lighter editorial burden.

3. Third option. Apply for PA position to the editor ala Elijah and Elisha--a job title that could finally open the doors to closely mentoring that I secretly desire.

I've kind of lined out a line of progression to fit things together.. Much wisdom needed, Lord!